ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
