Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
