Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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