dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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