Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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