I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
