You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
