he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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