a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
