last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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