Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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