Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
