I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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