whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
