I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
