Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
