check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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