Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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