I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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