Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
