a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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