im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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