so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
