Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
