I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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