im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
