Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
