Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
