Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
