Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Less talking, more tequila
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize