i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
