she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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