do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
