Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
