this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
