i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
