Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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