her facebook's as public as her vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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