I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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