He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
