I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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