I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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