I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
