there was a trapeze. enough said
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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