hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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