God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
