Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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