Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
