I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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