i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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