hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you win again, gameday.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
