she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
