im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
