I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
