I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize