Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I love you.
Bad choice
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