whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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