she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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