you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
