Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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