Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
