if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
